Be Kind Rewind

Remember the era of VHS? Remember when having a short, 5 minute "Making of" segment at the end of the tape was considered a special feature? Yeah -me too and now I feel really old. Anyway, it's time to look at "Be Kind Rewind"- a film all about those magic cassettes.

Be Kind Rewind (2008)

I honestly don't like Michel Gondry that much. I'm not entirely sure why, either. There are many more deserving directors out there worthy of my dislike, but some of it seems to be focused on the French director's head. Oh- he's French. That's why. Let's go with that. /Clarkson

"I'm Bill Murray, you're everybody else."

The story follows video rental store clerk Mike (Mos Def) and his oddball friend, Jerry (Jack Black). After Jerry becomes magnetised in an "industrial sabotage" attempt, he accidentally wipes every last video in the store, leaving Mike in a difficult situation. The pair decide to try and recreate mega-budget Hollywood films on no budget at all in order to not get in trouble with store owner, Elroy (Danny Glover). I really liked the story as it seemed it shared the same love of film that I have. It was almost a love-letter to cinema in general, which I can appreciate. Jack Black is great as usual, but not doing much more than playing himself with a "quirky" edge. Mos Def is pretty forgettable, acting as the straight man to Black's...well, Blackness I suppose. Danny Glover seems to be going the motions too, at times seeming less concerned with the story and more concerned with the fact he was once in "Lethal Weapon".

The way the films are "sweded" is incredibly creative. Every single film they show being made has clearly had a lot of thought and effort put into it. My favourite of theirs has got to be "Ghostbusters" where tin foil and tinsel on a wire stand in for the Ghostbusters' uniforms and proton packs. I guess the one recurring word for "Be Kind Rewind" is "charming". Everything that transpires has a nice, off-the-wall quality that could disarm even the most cynical of film critics.

However, "Be Kind Rewind" seems to be trying to cater for everyone at once. One minute it's a typical Hollywood slapstick comedy and the next it's going for the edu-crowd, trying to cajole them into letting out a snort of laughter (ironic, of course). What Gondry doesn't seem to grasp is that these types of comedy are at opposite ends of the spectrum. It's very difficult to pull off successfully and very few films have managed this. Story-wise there seem to be a few bits missing, including the backstory on Mike's relationship with the rival DVD store owner, who shows up talks to Mike in a way that suggests a history and then sticks around for the rest of the film. Plus, the "big corporation taking over a small-town business" plot device is so damn hackneyed that even Disney don't bother with it anymore. Still, nice to see Sigourney Weaver again.

(During the "sweding" of "The Lion King") " Listen to me. I need to you say the line. I need you to say "I will piss on the bones of your ancestors"

Overall, I enjoyed "Be Kind Rewind" a lot more the second time than I did the first. It has heart (although not as much as it wants you to think it has) and some very funny jokes coupled with a truly innovative approach to recreating films. All together now- "When you're walking down the street/and you see a little ghost..."

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

I've been renting some odd things of late, which is why I'm now reviewing "Walk Hard" a parody biopic from the Apatow camp. Let's just hope it's not 2 hours of semi-improvised crap, eh?

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007)

I nearly turned "Walk Hard" off after the first ten minutes. I don't normally give up on films that easily, but when the first joke is a stagehand going round saying "Guys, I need Cox" it's fucking tempting. I know I should have expected it from a film called "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story", but I persevered nonetheless.

"I'm just so glad you learned to play the guitar so good... even without having a sense of smell!"

The film follows the life of Dewey Cox (John C. Reilly) as he struggles against adversity in an effort to become a legendary musician. Er... that's about it. Most of the film parodies Johnny Cash biopic "Walk the Line", but there are many references to other biopics too. I've always thought that biopics were ripe for parody and I'm glad to say that "Walk Hard" does this pretty damn successfully. Okay, it's no "This is Spinal Tap" or even "A Mighty Wind", but then again-what is these days? I really like Reilly in general and he pulls off Cox (fnarr and indeed, fnarr) with just the right amount of self-awareness. It's not overly silly or serious. Pitch perfect.

I never thought I'd say this, but "Walk Hard" reminded me of "Juno". Whilst "Walk Hard" did not have a fo' shizz "zany" pregnant teenager, it does share the curse of a bad opening. As I said, the "needing Cox" gag didn't exactly sell the film to me. Neither did the bit where the young Dewey accidently cuts his beloved brother in half. I believe my exact thought at that point was an elongated and exasperated "Ah, shit..." However, by some miracle the film got better and much funnier. It cleverly takes shots at "Walk the Line" without getting preoccupied and losing the sense of story. I giggled an embarrassing amount when we see the 14 year old Dewey (a fully grown Reilly, doing a higher voice and in full school uniform) sings "Take My Hand" at a school talent show and causes a riot in which girls rip open their blouses and a preacher gets punched.

As with most Apatow films, "Walk Hard" seems all about the cameos from previous Apatow films. We have Jonah Hill (Superbad), Craig Robinson (Pineapple Express) and others just turning up out of the blue. It's not as if I mind a director sticking with an actor or two because he enjoys working with them, but it seems that just because Judd Apatow is producing, these people have to be crowbarred in somewhere. There are enjoyable cameos though, including "The Beatles"- with Jack Black as Paul McCartney (!), Frankie Muniz as Buddy Holly and strangely, Jack White (he of "White Stripes" fame) as Elvis Presley. God knows who thought that one up...

"Look, I know I've had trouble with drugs in the past- but I'm addicted to coke, weed, booze, ludes and speed. Not LSD. Nobody gets addicted to LSD. It was invented by scientists. Ringo Starr just told me."

The best part of the film for me was the surprisingly well-written songs. My favourite has got to be the innuendo-laden "Let's Duet" where Cox sings to Darlene Madison (an obvious June Carter character) featuring the lines "In my dreams you're blowin' me...some kisses" which got a huge laugh from me. Even though the film is funny, I get the feeling they could have done more with it. "Walk Hard" makes some brilliant and shrewd observations about the biopic genre, but never takes them to a higher level. It's like they stacked piles of dynamite under the bloated biopic, but wussed out at the last minute when it came to lighting the fuse. As I said, "Walk Hard" is still very funny, but because of this- it doesn't achieve "Spinal Tap" levels of greatness.

Fight Club

Since I can't stop watching films and I haven't updated this blog in about six days, this week is my catch-up week- with no less than 6 reviews to get caught up on. So, let's start by following a Fincher/Pitt film with another Fincher/Pitt film. I'd tell you the name, but I'm not supposed to talk about it...

Fight Club (1999)

"Fight Club" is one of those films that will always be misunderstood. Why? Well, the short answer is that people in general are fucking stupid. I would type the long answer here, but I kinda want space to review this film. Suffice to say, it's basically the same answer, just with more ranting.

"With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels."

Insomniac insurance drone "Jack" (Ed Norton) begins to haunt self-help groups for fatal illnesses until he encounters Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt), a charismatic anarchist who invites him to move into his decrepit house after his condo is blown up. "Jack" and Tyler have recreational fist-fights, which expand into an underground masculinist movement. However, cracks appear in the relationship as Tyler cops off with a Goth bizarro (Helena Bonham Carter) and his pranks go from subversive to near-homicidal. The story's deep, dark and gritty with huge helpings of pitch-black humour shovelled in wherever possible. Both Norton and Pitt are on top form here, especially Pitt who cemented his place in my "Irritatingly good-looking people who can actually act" list alongside Mr. DiCaprio and Mr. Depp with his role as Tyler Durden. Helena Bonham Carter is fantastic too, bringing an oddly sexy air to the role of the washed-out junkie, Marla. Special mention to Meat Loaf also. I just want to give him a hug.

"Fight Club" was a revelation for me back in 2001 (Yeah, it came out in 1999, but I didn't get to see it 'til 2001) I'd seen "dark" films before but never as morbidly funny and intelligent as "Fight Club" is. I think most of this is due to the strength of Chuck Palahnuik's source novel and the dynamic direction of David Fincher. I think that the main reason why I was slightly disappointed with "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" is that it showed none of the flair that is shown here. We have flash cuts, subliminal images, jumping film and even a frame of a big ol' penis. Whilst I'm aware of the reason why there wasn't a phallic frame in "...Benjamin Button", there was no reason why the film couldn't have been as visually exciting as "Fight Club" is.

In terms of favourite scenes, I have loads. Nearly every scene has an occurance or line of dialogue I love contained within, which is surely the mark of a good film. The dialogue in particular is brilliant, with some fantastic one-liners as well as amazing spiels of speech that will be remembered for decades to come. If you can't recite the rules of Fight Club, you haven't watched television or talked to anyone under 60 for a long damn time.

My one problem with the film is that it seems to lose track of where it is going after Project Mayhem gets underway. Whilst I'm aware this could be intentional, there is a definite lull in proceedings that jars with the fast-paced assault on the senses that the first two acts of the film were. Plus, it gets slightly too unbelievable when compared to the all-to-real first parts. Things do pick up when we find out more about Tyler though, so small gripe.

"I am Jack's smirking revenge."

The ending is awesome too. It's really one of those endings that stick in your mind for years to come. Pay attention, M. Night Shyamalan- this is how you do a twist, not your shitty, gimmicky way. Plus, you'll never listen to the Pixies' "Where Is My Mind?" in the same way again. Pugilistic perfection.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Since the Oscars aren't that far away now, I vowed to myself to see the most of the main contenders before the ceremony so I could be appropriately glad/scandalised when the winners are announced. So, since the Best Picture award is probably either going to "Slumdog Millionaire" or "...Benjamin Button" I thought I'd better check the latter out.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)

I'm a big fan of David Fincher's. He's got a dynamic and unique style that changes from film to film and favours the "darker" films like "Fight Club" and "Se7en" (yes, that is how you spell it). In my opinion he's like a good version of Tim Burton- i.e. sticks to his guns but changes his approach, which is more can be said for a certain Mr. Burton... Rhyming aside, "...Benjamin Button" seems like an odd choice for Fincher to direct due to its lighter nature and more family-friendly ideals.

"What if I told you that instead of gettin' older, I was gettin' younger than everybody else?"

The film is loosely based on the F. Scott Fitzgerald's story of the same name (not, as a few believe, on Karl Pilkington's insane ramblings) where the titular Benjamin Button (Brad Pitt) is born with the biology of a pensioner. As he grows up, he grows younger, and falls in love with Daisy (Cate Blanchett). As stories go, it's a great one with plenty of possibilities to explore the human condition and the folly of man. My first problem with this film is that it doesn't do any of that. With a person ageing backwards, you'd think that there would be some chances to get at something deeper than the (admittedly sad) fact that the boy has arthiritis and has to go around in a wheelchair. It just seems like a missed opportunity to me. Both Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett are very good, but that's hardly a shock.

Many people have remarked that "...Benjamin Button" is very similar to 1994 Oscar winning film "Forrest Gump" which is no surprise really as Eric Roth wrote both screenplays. I mean the film even has it's own version of the famous "Life is like a box of chocolates..." line! However, it was only a couple of days after seeing the film that I realised this to be true, so I wouldn't really pay too much heed to that. The make-up and general ageing/de-ageing effects are genuinely jaw-dropping and if they don't win the Oscar for Make-Up at the end of February, my World won't make sense anymore.

My second problem with the film is that it's clearly pandering to the Academy crowd. We have someone struggling through life against adversity, a dancer, some mention of war and all those other "award-y" type qualities that Oscar winning films tend to have. What was refreshing about "No Country for Old Men" and "There Will Be Blood" last year is that they did away with those hackneyed conventions and were therefore solely judged on what they brought to the table. "...Benjamin Button" feels like a step backwards in this respect, with outcomes of characters and plot changes being predictable because of it. If you can't work out that something bad is going to happen to Daisy's dancing career you need to stop watching films and get back into your corner, you dunce.

Lastly, why the flying monkey fuck did the film feel the need to include some stuff about Hurricane Katrina and the Waves? It's like they said "If the sad tale of Benjamin Button doesn't get 'em blubbing, the recent memories of Katrina will..." By the end, it seems like the film is throwing everything it can at you to try and make you cry. Thing is, I didn't. I felt that I should have been too, with all that had transpired over the three hours. I'm not the Terminator or anything, as I had a little cry at "Wall-E" when I saw it. If a children's animated film can make me cry and not a big, prestige pic then you have problems.

"Your life is defined by its opportunities... even the ones you miss."

Despite all my whinging above, I really liked "...Benjamin Button". It was funny at times (the lightning strikes were feckin' hilarious) as well as heartwarming. I get the feeling that Fincher had his style cramped a little by the studio after they decided it was going to be their big award film though, which is a bit of a shame. Whilst not as good as "Slumdog Millionaire", "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" is definitely worth checking out. !ti dnemoccer I

Nacho Libre

With the double five-star punch of "No Country for Old Men" and "There Will Be Blood", I feel it's time to nuke the ground with a not-so-good film and start afresh. So, let's look at Jack Black's "Nacho Libre" and his stretchy pants...

Nacho Libre (2006)

I've always found Jack Black to be funny. He was great in "School of Rock" and I'm also a fan of Tenacious D. However, "Nacho Libre" shows that even with a great idea and a brilliant lead comic actor, you can still end up with a pile of mucky manspuds on your hands.

"Precious Father, why have you given me this desire to wrestle and then made me such a stinky warrior?"

The story follows Ignacio (Jack Black), a monk who has had wrestling ambitions since childhood. As the cook for an orphanage, he decides that something must be done to give the children better food to eat and impress the new nun on the scene, Sister Encarnación (Ana de la Reguera). So, he leads a double life- one holy one and one in the ring as the luchador Nacho, with his skinny partner Steven (Héctor Jiménez). As I said before, I really like the story as it's unbelievably albeit loosely based on the true story of Fray Tormenta. Jack Black is funny in this, but not because of the "redeeculous" Mexican accent he speaks in. He's funny when he does Jack Black stuff, like singing or contorting his face in the way that only he can. The only bits in which I remember laughing were at the bits when he was singing- the lyric "I ate some bugs, I ate some grass, I used my hand to wipe my tears" got a guffaw from me, but even these rare funny bits seem crowbarred in to give some life to this boring film.

I don't know how you can make a Jack Black vehicle with wrestling as its gimmick boring, but somehow it was managed. My finger of blame is pointing directly at Jared Hess, director of the eternally overrated "Napoleon Dynamite" as he brings his unique "style" to this film. I'm all for directors having their own visual stamp on things, but when that visual stamp feels like they've put the camera down to go and have a slash for the entire film, you've got big problems. The sidekick Steven is used fairly well, but not enough to actually leave any impression. The comedy between Nacho and Steven is basically "One's like, fat and the other is like, well skinny LOL!!11" and nothing much more. Let's not even go into the casual racism of calling a Mexican character "Nacho" or the little fat, Mexican kid "Chancho" (meaning "pig" in Spanish). I don't know how you can take a great comedic well like the world of wrestling and come up with anything besides gold either, but again this is managed.

"I was wondering if you would like to join me in my quarters this night... for some toast."

"Nacho Libre" isn't a terrible film by any stretch of the imagination. It's mildly amusing enough to while away a rainy Saturday afternoon quite satisfactorily. However, when I heard the words "Jack", "Black", "Mexican", "Wrestling" coupled with the words "stretchy" and "pants" I expected more than this. I hate to keep resurrecting this but with an awesome premise and actor it should be funnier. There's no excuse for it. If Mr. Black wasn't in this film, it would be ten times worse. As he is, it's a passable film- but if you're looking for big, belly laughs- look elsewhere.

There Will Be Blood

What with the film world abuzz with the word "Oscars" at the moment, I decided to revist last years' main contenders for the top prizes. With eventual victor "No Country for Old Men" out of the way, it's the turn of "There Will Be Blood" to get watched, reviewed and then archived. Woo!

There Will Be Blood (2007)

Let it never be said that I only review brainless films. Looking around, I realise that a pinch of "Slumdog Squarepants" here and a dash of "No Country for Old, Sardonic, World-Weary Men" there isn't doing much to bring up the average I.Q. of the reviews on display. So in an effort to change that, let's look at "There Will Be Blood" or, as I constantly mistype it, "There Will Be Bloof".

"There's a whole ocean of oil under our feet! No one can get at it except for me!"

Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis) is a silver prospector-turned-oil man, working his way from a single-man dig to mini-mogul status. On a tip from Paul Sunday (Paul Dano), he travels to a small town in search of the ol' black gold, with his adoptive son H. W. (Dillon Freasier) in tow. But there, Eli Sunday (also Dano), Paul’s twin, throws roadblocks in his path. The story's very interesting and keeps you hooked throughout. On one hand it's about human greed and religion and on the other, it could be a political point about the war on Iraq. However you interpret it, it's a fine piece of cinema. It's no secret that Day-Lewis won the Best Actor Oscar for his role as Plainview and deservedly so in my opinion. You can tell he really throws himself into the parts he takes as Plainview is somehow likable amidt the increasingly crazy and horrid things he does. Dano is also to be commended as he shows that he's more than just the silent, Nietzsche idolising, wannabe pilot from "Little Miss Sunshine". He plays the infuriating Eli with great skill and made me want to reach into the screen and choke him (which I'm sure was the intention).

I was a bit sceptical when the film opened with a dialogue-free 20 minutes or so where Plainview is (painfully) digging and blasting for silver. It's not that it's not a good and powerful opening- but nothing says "art film" than a scene like this. For once, I'd like to see a film which has an exciting car chase, some explosions and the like, all to a heavy rock soundtrack go on to win big at the Oscars. Surely if the film is good, it doesn't really matter about the typical action orientated context. Why can't it happen? Oh yeah, because the Academy are pretentious bastards who will ignore a fantastic film for Best Picture *cough*The Dark Knight*cough* in favour of a lesser, more awards-pandering film *cough* Benjamin Button *cough*. Fuckshovels the lot of 'em. Anyway, my point was that it's quite a conventional opening for this type of film.

The one thing that permeates the above scene and the rest of the film is Jonny "I'm in Radiohead" Greenwood 's daring, sparse and unsettling score. It's fantastic when coupled with the amazing cinematography on display here. When together, they produce an effect that reinstills my mostly fleeting belief that film is still a form of art. (Still think it is? Check out this and once you've finished crying and vomiting, come back to me) I know I sound like a snooty tossbag, but this film is genuinely amazing. Oh- and Greenwood not getting the Oscar for his awesome score? A travesty if ever there was one.

"I... drink... your... milkshake!"

"There Will Be Blood" is not really the sort of film where you can have a favourite scene, but regardless I do have one. The ending. Much like with "No Country For Old Men", I didn't really agree with the ending. It took a repeat viewing to realise that, once again I was wrong and P.T. Anderson was right. I can still see why I didn't agree with it first time around. First off, it's really jarring when compared to the achingly slow tension building and growing insanity of Plainview. Secondly, some of it struck me as quite comedic at times. However, I remembered that comedy and tragedy are closer than people want to admit and now the scene scares the crap out of me. Whilst I prefer "No Country..." in terms of a film to watch, "There Will Be Blood" is definitely an experience you should partake in. It'll blow your mind.

No Country for Old Men

It's been a while, but I have a couple of days off, 5 films to post my thoughts on and no social life. Let the good times roll!

No Country for Old Men (2007)

I'll admit, I'm not the biggest Coen brothers fan. It's not because their films aren't good- it's just that they were on a bit of a downturn since "The Big Lebowski"- let's not forget, they directed the remake of "The Ladykillers"- *shudder*

"What's this guy supposed to be, the ultimate badass?"

After he finds $2 million in the desert where a drug deal has apparently gone wrong, workin' man Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin) finds himself on the run. He is persued by silly haired killer Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem), an unemotional, remorseless man with a unique murder weapon at his disposal. Throughout, soon-to-be retired Sheriff Ed Tom Bell (Tommy Lee Jones) attempts to convince Moss, mostly through his wife Carla Jean (Kelly Macdonald), that he should turn the money over to the authorities before it all ends in tragedy. It's a truly great story that sucks you in from the moment Tommy Lee Jones' grizzled voice opens proceedings to his grizzled voice closing them.

As for actor comments, Josh Brolin is pretty damn good. He plays Moss with the sardonic, world-weary edge of a typical Coen character, but with enough charm and likability to avoid the "seen it all before" trap. Tommy Lee Jones is good too, but hardly stretching himself with the role of "old Texas man with a sardonic, world-weary edge". However, it's Javier Bardem's Chigurh that is the stand out performance in this film. He's one of the very few genuinely scary villains I can think of. I don't know whether it's his deep, slow voice coupled with one of cinema's stupidest haircuts but it all adds up to a deeply unsettling performance. He's cold, calculating and deadly. It's no accident that nearly all of the film's best scenes involve him in some way.

Favourite scenes include Chigurh's introduction where he takes out two people in the space of three real world minutes - now that's impressive. The tension-filled motel scene where Moss waits for Chigurh is brilliantly done too- never will a hiss of air make you jump so much. The coin toss scene is amazing too. Hell, all of it is good. "No Country..." is very similar to "The Big Lebowski" for me in the way that I start to name a favourite scene and remember five more at the same time. This is surely a testament to the Coens and the actors.

"What's the most you ever lost on a coin toss?"

The ending. I won't say too much but I didn't "get" it the first time round. It seemed an odd way to end such an exciting, tension-filled, haunting film with such a non-event. However, second time around I listened to the words and realised that I had been an idiot. It's the perfect ending for this film. It's well-written, layered and will only improve with repeat viewings, much like the film itself. If you haven't already, see this film or I'll be round your house with a pressurised oxygen tank and a murderous glint in my eye...

Shooter

The reviews for "There Will Be Blood" and "No Country for Old Men" are incoming, but I just had to share my thoughts on "Shooter" starring Marky Mark, but no Funky Bunch.

Shooter (2007)

I wanted to be surprised by "Shooter", I really did. I was aware of the mixed reviews it recieved, but decided to check it out for myself. So armed with as many weapon-related puns as I could think of, I sat down and scoped it. Was I gunner like it, or was it going to be the butt of my jokes? Well, I suppose that depends on the calibre of it...OK, OK... I'll stop now.

"I'm just a peckerwood who lives in the hills with too many guns"

The story follows the stupidly named Bob Lee Swagger (Mark Wahlberg), a skilled Marine Scout Sniper. After a mission of his is disavowed, Swagger goes into exile, retiring from the sharpshooting business. Three years later, Colonel Isaac Johnson (Danny Glover) comes looking for him to try and stop an assassination attempt on the President. Blah, blah, blah...double cross...blah, blah, blah. The story's as retarded as it sounds. Even though the story does go deeper than that, it doesn't go far enough for my liking. The acting in general is O.K. with Marky Mark sleepwalking his way through most of the proceedings. Right, first problem I have with "Shooter" are the character names. Naming a character "Swagger" is one of the stupidest things you can do if you want people to take your film seriously- I'll come back to that in a minute. The sidekick F.B.I. agent is called Nick Memphis (Michael Peña). Was Danny Miami taken? Michael Wyoming? Sammy San Francisco? It's so, so dumb. Maybe it's because I'm not American, but I find the naming of characters after U.S. places an incredibly lazy way to try and convey the "everyman" quality of a character. If I made a film, I would not call a character Dave Bristol or Chris Liverpool. Christ, it's like a "Point Break"/Johnny Utah thing all over again.

The beginning of "Shooter" is promising. I liked the whole sniping thing and I bought the notion that Marky Mark was a Marky Marksman. However, the film seemed to decide that there was too much talking and the shit hit the fan when Swagger took down a helicopter by shooting the blades out. From that point on, "Shooter" can't decide what it wants to rip-off first. We get elements of the "Bourne" trilogy here (the healing whilst on the move, the conspiracy angle) and elements from "First Blood" there (the beginning of the ranch scene is almost a shot-for-shot copy of the forest scene). There is even a little moment ripped from "Saving Private Ryan" (the memorable shot through the scope and into the sniper's eye bit is present here). Overall, if I was Matt Damon, I'd be pissed at "Shooter".

The action sequences are pretty good, but I got the feeling that if this film took itself less seriously (told you I'd come back to that) it'd be a hell of a lot more fun. The film seems to be preoccupied in trying to make a serious point. For example, when Col. Johnson first approaches Swagger, we see that Swagger has a copy of the 9/11 Commission Report on his desk. Swagger initially mistrusts Johnson but is won over due to his overwhelming sense of patriotism (yes, that old chestnut). Also the villain is a U.S. Senator. Subtle. In general terms, "Shooter" is fucking infuriating because it thinks it's clever, when really it is showing how immature it is.

"I don't think you understand - these people killed my dog."

When it all comes down to it, "Shooter" is pretty bad. There are some truly awful lines of dialogue including this woeful exchange:

"What are you going to do?"
"Exercise my right to bear arms."

But the main problem I have with it is that it tries to be a kick-ass action film and make a serious point at the same time and ends up failing to do both. Sorry "Shooter", but you weren't for me- mainly because I'm not some stupid American yahoo.

Kung Fu Panda

It's time to usher in February with a new review. "No Country for Old Men"?, "There Will Be Blood"? No? How about a CGI kids' film all about kung fu? Okay then...

Kung Fu Panda (2008)

As weird as this will make me sound, I still like kids' films (I am aware I covered this ground with "Wall-E" but I remember that people are too damn lazy to click through the archives.) Some of the best kids' films work as normal films too, with movies like "Toy Story" and "Ratatouille" being ranked highly on my list. Thing is, apart from "Shrek", Dreamworks have always felt like a cut-rate Pixar. When Pixar had "Finding Nemo" out, Dreamworks responded with the inferior "Shark Tale", which also featured Jack Black. With that creaky link- "Kung Fu Panda".

"There is no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness."

The story follows Po (voiced by Jack Black), a panda who dreams of kung fu greatness outside of his tedious noodle making job. When he is "accidentally" chosen as the fabled Dragon Warrior, Po's world is turned upside down when he is trained by Master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) and the Furious Five (deep breath...Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu, Seth Rogen, David Cross and Jackie Chan) in preparation for the arrival of Tai Lung (Ian McShane), a psychotic snow leopard bent on revenge. As far as stories go, it's pretty good. I can't be too harsh on it as it is a kiddie film. I enjoyed it though. Jack Black is fantastic as Po- who is pretty much Black in panda form. The best voices in this are Dustin Hoffman's Shifu, Michael Clarke Duncan as a rhinoceros guard and Ian McShane's deliciously evil Tai Lung. However, Tai Lung is British- so fuck you, Dreamworks. Please, can we stop with this? The '80s are over now. Let it die.

The film starts with a jaw-dropping traditional 2D animation piece, depicting Po as a "legendary" kung fu warrior. I half-wished the entire film was like this, as it was great fun to watch. 2008 seemed to be the year of this phenomenon as the vastly underrated "Horton Hears a Who!" also had an inspired Japanimation sequence. After that, it was a pretty standard affair, lightly funny and colourful. I could really relate to Po's fanboyism, but the film was shaping up to be pretty average. It was the scene where Tai Lung escapes from a maximum security prison that reached out and shook my shoulders, imploring me to pay attention. The kung fu sequences are brilliant! Ignore the fact that there are CGI fluffy animals on screen and it becomes a good action movie in its own right- a great feat, I think you'll agree. The film is pretty funny at times too, with the relationship between Shifu and Po throwing up some great humour.

The bits that I didn't really find funny were the slapstick bits where Po pratfalls around. Yes, this will make the kiddies laugh and breathlessly talk about that bit "where the panda gets hit in his privates and says "Ooh my tenders!" heehee!" on the way home, but I just couldn't wait for those bits to be over. Successful animated slapstick isn't impossible though, as documentaries like the Tom & Jerry chronicles taught us. As a CGI film, you expect new levels of computer generated beauty and "Kung Fu Panda" does not disappoint. Some of the scenes are genuinely gorgeous to behold- especially Master Oogway (Randall Duk Kim) becoming one with a cloud of blossom- wow.

Of course, this being a kids' film there is always going to be some underlying message. In "Kung Fu Panda" it's about body image but also believing in yourself. As messages go they're sound ones and more realistic than say, telling kids that if they wish hard enough, they'll get what they want. I've wished and waited for well over a decade and still no fucking hoverboard, dammit! It doesn't work kids. You may as well believe in yourself, because you'll find very few other people can be bothered to.

"There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

I think it's impossible to not like "Kung Fu Panda". There is humour, action, a good story and bright colours in abundance here- enough to keep even the most ADD children happy for its runtime. That's not to discredit the film though as I'm sure people of all ages will be entertained by the antics of Po and the Furious Five. Take that, Pixar!