Captain America: The First Avenger

Prompt review time. Here are my thoughts on the third and final Marvel movie of 2011: Captain America: The First Avenger. I apologise for the bland, generic opening but I couldn't think of a decent way to kick things off. If you were offended by the cookie-cutter intro there are two things you can do. Firstly- get a fucking life and secondly, let me know your name, address and bank details and I will endeavour to pay five (5) pounds sterling into your account within three working days.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Where would Chris Evans be without comic book adaptations? Apart from a couple of indie, character-driven pieces, the guy's IMDB page reads like a shelf at Forbidden Planet. Of these though, Captain America is undeniably his step-up to the big leagues. I was concerned that the antiquated character of Cap (originally war propaganda, but revived by Stan Lee in the '60s) would be hard to adapt. The man's a walking flag for a country that isn't exactly topping World popularity polls at the moment and whilst risky Marvel property Thor had been done well, I wasn't entirely sure Cap would have the same success. On the other hand, I reminded myself that Marvel have been on a winning streak of late and I shouldn't be so sceptical. I'm pleased to say that Captain America continues that streak and has me looking forward to The Avengers all the more (if that was even possible at this point).

"I asked for an army. All I got is you."

The film takes place during World War II and follows skinny weakling Steve Rogers (Chris Evans), who longs to fight for his country, but is repeatedly turned away because of his health problems and general shrimpiness. However, Dr. Erskine (Stanley Tucci) sees a spark in Rogers that makes him the perfect candidate for his secret military experiment. With the help of Iron Man's dad, Howard Stark (Dominic Cooper) and under the supervision of Col. Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) and Agent Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell), Rogers is transformed into a muscle-bound super-soldier and becomes Captain America. Good thing too, as the leader of specialist Nazi group Hydra, Red Skull (Hugo Weaving) is after a little artifact familiar to the people who saw Thor, which will grant him the power to change the outcome of the war. The plot is decent and cleverly updates the character of Cap without straying too far away from his inked origins. Chris Evans is fantastic as Rogers/Cap adding some believability and vulnerability to what could have been an embarrassing "golly gee whiz!" portrayal. Hayley Atwell was great as the tough, but sensitive Peggy Carter and reminded me a bit of Marion Ravenwood from Raiders of the Lost Ark, which is a great compliment to her. Tommy Lee Jones also does what he's best at- playing a grizzled, authoritarian figure who gets to say all the best lines. Weaving's Red Skull was a slight disappointment, but not because of Weaving himself, who can play solid baddies in his sleep but more down to the writing. I wanted more for the man who brought us Agent Smith.

The thing I loved about the film above everything else was the retro setting and style. It's set in the '40s and has a real Indiana Jones / The Rocketeer feel to it. It's sepia-toned Americana but done so you don't feel like rolling your eyes, vomiting or doing a terrifying combination of both. Whilst we're on the subject (of Americana, not vomit), the character of Captain America isn't as nauseatingly jingoistic as one might expect from the name. He's a morale boosting mascot for the first half or so, encouraging cheering crowds to buy war bonds and such. The name "Captain America" and the ridiculous spandex costume he initially has to wear both make perfect sense in this context. I know I bang on and on about superhero films trying to be brooding and dark like the Nolan Bat films, but I can't think of a better contrast to Batman than Captain America. It's refreshing to see a character this good and morally upstanding without layers of snark or reluctance to sweeten the pill for today's cynical audiences. I expected Chris Evans to give Cap a jokey, sarcastic edge similar to his Human Torch portrayal in the Fantastic Four films, but he plays it straight-faced and earnestly. A decision that really pays off. I also must mention the impressive CGI that went into turning the normally brick shithouse sized Evans into a puny girly-man. People have been saying that his head looks too big for his body, but I can't see it. Genuinely amazing work.

The first half of the film is a hell of a lot of fun. Whilst it takes a long time to get Cap into his ridiculously patriotic gear, it's enjoyable enough to be spending time with skinny ol' Steve. The USO show stuff is great too, with a catchy-as-fuck Menken track called "Star Spangled Man" scoring an insanely entertaining montage. When Rogers finally starts kicking arse, the film's quality wavers slightly. The action is very well done and shot, it starts feeling more generic than it should do after such a strong opening. The hand-to-hand, shield-to-face stuff is brilliant though. Not once did I get tired of Cap hitting people. As I mentioned before, the Red Skull isn't as menacing as I wanted him to be. For a man who is supposedly too evil for the Nazis (think of that!), he doesn't seem to have a coherent evil plan. His target is apparently "everything", which is pretty fucking lazy writing. He has some vague notion to blow up major U.S. cities, but I can't for the life of me remember the details. (Invisotext) He does get a decent climactic scrap with Rogers though. It's a shame that his demise is so unsatisfying. Whilst on the subject of spoilers, I really liked the final conversation between Peggy and Cap- it was really quite sweet. Steve's "...but I have a date." when confronted by Nick Muthafuckin' Fury was suprisingly touching. I think my problem with Red Skull is we don't get to see him do that much. His dialogue is well-written, it's just his actions aren't.

(On the subject of killing Nazis) "I don't want to kill anyone. I just don't like bullies."

So, Captain America: The First Avenger. It's great. On reflection, (I initially thought it was simply on par with Thor), it's the best Marvel movie this year. It has a real boy's own, old-style adventure film to it which bypasses any feeling of superheroic saturation you may feel. I had some minor quibbles with it, but I was too entertained by it all to get hung up on them. As usual, stay after the end credits for an exciting teaser.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Yup, here are my late thoughts on the final Potter flick. Then it's back to my review workpile before going to see Captain America. Word of warning- my review is very spoiler-filled. It's very tough to accurately discuss this film without talking frankly.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011)

You don't need me to tell you how pervasive the Potter franchise has become, 'specially as every other reviewer is using Deathly Hallows Part 2 as an excuse for retrospective bum-gazing on the series as a whole, and pondering about where exactly the Potter films will place in cinematic history. It's hard to overstate the impact the Boy Who Lived has had on popular culture. I don't know about you, but when I sat down to watch Part 2 and realised the decade long Potter saga was at its end, I felt rather (deathly) hollow.

"From this day forth, you put your faith... in me."

In a shocking twist, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 continues directly from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1. Harry (Daniel Radclifffe), Ron (Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson) are still on the hunt for the remaining Horcruxes to weaken Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) enough to stop him once and for all. Voldemort and his army of Death Eaters wage war on the last bastion of good, Hogwarts castle, now run dictatorially by fan favourite Severus Snape (Alan Rickman). If Part 1 was all set-up, Part 2 is all pay off. Thing is, amongst all the truly epic battles and suprisingly bloody character deaths, I felt a sense of disappointment starting to grow.

I haven't read the Deathly Hallows book since it intially came out, so I'm a bit foggy on the details, but I remember it being a lot more satisfying than the film was. It genuinely hurts me to call Part 2 out on these things, but I can't just give it a free pass as many other people seem to be doing. I appreciate it's got to be nigh-on impossible to flesh out every character as much as the fans would like, but Christ, Ron and Hermione are pretty much sidelined here. They're physically there with Harry, but not given too much to do. To me, the series was about the three of them, not just speccy Potter. The much-awaited getting together of Ron and Hermione is rushed and strangely devoid of an "oh, finally!" feeling. Maybe it's because I've always thought that Harry was the least interesting character in the series and the film (understandably) focuses on him battling Voldemort. That's not to say I don't like him. I feel the same about Batman and I love Batman.

So, yes- the big talking point with this film will be Snape. It's good that we finally see Snape's true colours and his reasons for being the way he was, but I feel it was mishandled. His love for Lily is touching, but it certainly didn't make me cry as I had been preparing to. I had a real problem with the "emotional montage tear" power that Snape apparently has. It smacks of corner-cutting to me. They've had two films for one book, there should be enough space to let certain things breathe. I'm fine with stuff being cut and/or altered for film, but the book's emotional gut-punches should not be changed or skimped upon- both of which have happened here, giving a brilliant character a not-so-brilliant send off. It's a running theme as Fred, Tonks and Lupin are all killed off-screen and not really paid much heed apart from some corpse shots to show you they did indeed get fucked up. It says a lot that I was more affected by Dobby's death in Part 1 than I was by any of the departures in Part 2. Also, why the fuck do Voldemort, Bellatrix and Nagini explode into goth confetti when they die? Just have them fall over and lie still, it's fucking lame to have them explode.

"You have your mother's eyes."

The film isn't bad by any stretch, most of it is pretty decent. There's a lot to like. I thought Ralph Fiennes was awesome as Voldemort and as I said, the battles are epic and the whole wizards vs. Death Eaters war is really well done. The Gringotts sequence is great too. The effects are also frickin' fantastic in both senses of the word and the film feels suitably big, but for me the Devil was in the details. You may (and probably do) disagree with me and found it to be a great farewell to the Potter universe. That's totally fine. Personally, I found it to be a decent end, but not the worthy conclusion I wanted it to be. I find the fact that the Potter series has now ended to be infinitely sadder than anything in this film.

Limitless

After being hugely disappointed by Transformers 3, I wanted to write a review that wasn't so angry. About a film that I actually enjoyed. Luckily, I still had Limitless in my review stockpile and, being the genius that I am, I put two and two together and here we are:

Limitless (2011)

According to the well-known saying, we, the silly little meatbags that we are, only use 10% of our brain. It's a great analogy for the vastness of human potential, a great philosophical jump-off point for what could be done if we could tap into the brain's true power and a completely and utterly wrong fucking statement. From what I understand, we only use about 20% of our brains AT ANY ONE TIME. Those four words make a hell of a difference. Hate to bring my boring mate Science to Limitless' party, but if there truly was a pill that enabled the taker to use 100% of their brain, they'd probably collapse in a heap, drooling and soiling themselves, arms windmilling wildly, whilst frothily ('cos of all the drool- keep up) alternating between telling you about what their drunken Aunt did last Christmas and the directions to the nearest Bureau de Change. Unfortunately, at no point does this happen to Bradley Cooper.

"Your powers are a gift from God or whoever the hell wrote your life script."

Limitless is the story of Eddie Morra (Bradley Cooper), a down-and-out writer who takes an experimental drug called NZT, a clear pill that allows him to harness 100% of his brain's power. He becomes more perceptive, more driven and can think way faster and clearer than before. Understandably, Eddie uses it to become richer and more respected, immersing himself in the lucrative business of the stock trading and soon partners with hugely powerful businessman Carl Van Loon (Robert De Niro). However, Eddie soon discovers that he isn't the only one aware of the drug and its amazing properties and that there are people out there willing to do anything to get their next fix. I liked the story. The plot kept me interested throughout and whilst silly, it's damn enjoyable. It's your standard "loser turns his life around with magical macguffin but finds it's not all sunshine" plot, but it does well with it. Bradley Cooper impressed me with his ability to actually act, having only seen him in the terrible Hangover movies and the A-Team film. I thought Abbie Cornish was good, but underused and Robert De Niro was fine being De Niro. I love that man.

Despite being all snarky in the opening paragraph, I like the whole concept. You become the perfect version of you. You can recall half memories and glimpsed information like it was nothing. Eddie becomes a true Renaissance man, learning languages and playing the stock market like a pro in a few days. I especially loved the fight scene where Eddie calls upon a childhood viewing of Way of the Dragon, a Muhammad Ali fight and a self-defence video to scrap his way out of trouble. It's innovative and interesting- two "i" words I rarely get to type in regards to action beats. Having said that, there is a chase scene where a good character (spoiler free, bitches) on NZT thinks their way out of a chase with a would-be murderer by using a small child as an offensive weapon. I laughed (as I'm sure the film intended) but it's still ridiculous and rather at odds with the rest of the film.

The thing I like about Limitless is the whole feeling of it. I know that's a vague, possibly twattish thing to say, but I can't think of a better way to describe it. I liked what it was bringing to the table. It's an indie movie writ large. From the impressive, but nauseating opening titles (seriously, that endless zoom effect on the big screen made me feel a bit sick) to the bright, saturated colours used to show Eddie on NZT, it's fun. It reminded me of a more restrained Scott Pilgrim at times, especially when it shows Eddie furiously typing on his laptop, with 3D letters and words falling all around him.

It's a decent thriller too. Whilst things are rosy for a time, Eddie soon discovers the more NZT he takes, the more frequently he blacks out, waking up in strange places with no memory of the preceding events. We understand and feel his need for the drug, but ultimately know that it's bad for him. Hell, we know it's going to lead him down a bad road as the film opens up on Morra, standing atop a penthouse balcony, bad dudes breaking the door down behind him and very few options available to him other than giving the pavement a 40-storey French kiss. Whilst I've seen this kind of thing before, I still found it all to be very compelling.

"A tablet a day and I was limitless..."

Limitless isn't the smartest film out there, but it's definitely one of the more entertaining ones. It made me think twice about writing off Bradley Cooper as just a cheesy grin and a marketable torso and kept me hooked 'til the credits rolled. It's certainly worth a viewing, at the very least for the great central concept. Just try not to think about it too much when you do.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Back from a small hiatus with a film that not only has the audacity to be bad, but knock my faith in the general public down to an all-time low. That's not hyperbole either. (Sigh) Here are my thoughts on the new Bayformers flick.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

 That's it. The joke's not funny anymore. Game over, man, game over. After really quite rating the first film and disliking the second, I really wanted this installment to be good. I like to think this blog and the Transformers films have ties from the start as 2007's Transformers was the first film I ever reviewed on this site. It was also one of the films that inspired me to stand up (or more accurately, sit down) and rally against those pretentious movie critics and those irritating "Arthouse or GTFO" types that seem to exist purely to make me feel bad for liking fun films. Dark of the Moon was getting a critical drubbing and so I saw an opportunity to stick up for this latest slice of Bayhem and once again wear my swanky "Internet Defender" hat. Thing is- this is indefensible. It's excess in every way apart from the things that make a good film. I hate to add my voice to the crowd, but Dark of the Moon is shit. No colourful metaphors, no logically unsound similies- it's godawful. More venom after the plot summary.

"Bee, there's something else going on here. The moon programme, the cover-ups, the assassinations, it's all led to this..."

Dark of the Moon continues with the war between mankind and the Decepticons, with the humans having help from the Autobots, led by Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen). It transpires that the moon landing was a cover-up to investigate a crashed ship from Cybertron, the Transformer homeworld, and it may hold the present day answer to ending the war. Bland human Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBoeuf) is out of college and struggling to get a job in the real world, needing the money after spending his savings on a blonde RealDoll (Rosie Huntingdon-Whitely) to replace the brunette one he had in the first two films. A visit to the moon yields an unexpected bounty in the form of legendary Autobot Sentinel Prime (Leonard Nimoy). Can he be the answer to stopping the madness?  The plot is stupid, but at least coherent enough to follow. Shia LaBoeuf's fairly likeable nerd in the first film has changed into a self-righteous bellend. It's hard to empathise with a character who has a Victoria's Secret model as a girlfriend and whose only real complaint is that he wants to save the world again. Rosie Huntingdon-Whitely is there for the camera to drunkenly leer at and delivers such a flat peformance I started to miss Megan Fox. Johns Turtturo and Malkovich are both slumming it way too much and, just to make things more irritating, Ken Jeong from The Hangover films turns up, doing his Offensive Asian Stereotype schtick to the delight of fucking nobody.

Are these films the most expensive adverts in history? If not, they're certainly close. There are even more robots this time (although thankfully racist fuckspods Skids and Mudflap are absent) and I hated all of them. The only Autobot I like is Bumblebee- a) because he can't talk and b) I liked him in the first film. Optimus Prime is a sanctimonious metallo-cunt this time round and none of the others are characterised enough for you to even remember what they look like, let alone feel anything towards them. The toy shilling is even more transparent this time, with Optimus Prime being the perfect example of this. Every single time he's fighting, he has a new weapon or accessory, making me painfully aware there was a little plastic replica of each look sitting on the shelves of the nearest toystore. It got to the point where I kept imagining little copyright symbols after each name was mentioned:  Oh hey, look it's Optimus Prime™ with authentic battle damage! He's trying to use the Matrix of Leadership™ to revive Sentinel Prime™ to fight Megatron™. It got distracting wondering which of the giant robots farting about on screen were actually choking hazards for the under threes.

The point that's brought up over and over again for this film is "well, it's just robots beating seven bells out of each other, blah blah flawed argument blah". I would normally be right with these people, but I can't jump on that particular bandwagon this time. An hour and a half passes before we get to the all-out robot war and up until this point, it's mostly just lazy exposition and lowest common denominator "comedy". It was interesting to note that the same people laughing at the shit jokes in the film were the ones laughing at the trailer for Zookeeper beforehand- i.e. fucking idiots. It was almost painful to sit through Sam's annoying parents embarrassing him for the umpteenth time or have people laughing at Wheelie and the other one from the second film. Fuck people. If they want to gibber like braying tossdonkeys let them do that on their own time, in their own homes, for God's sake don't encourage them.

On the other hand, the effects are impressive (as they'd better be for the ridiculous budget) and the action is well done. Whilst 3D hinders most films in the way they're shot, it actually seems to have helped Michael Bay as he can no longer use his trademark spastic close ups and has to settle for more wide angles and even more slow motion than before. It's bad combating bad. The 3D is alright, but most of the time I forgot I was wearing the glasses because something shit was happening on-screen. The wingsuit bit is the standout sequence though, with the 3D actually augmenting something for a change.

"You are not a soldier. You are a messenger. You've always been a messenger."

So yeah, it's not a good film. It's way too fucking long, it's boring, it's painfully unfunny and it takes too long to actually get to the robots hitting each other. It's pretty violent too, with spines being ripped out and all the robots now having blood-like red oil for some reason- an odd choice considering it's a toy advert. The Transformers series is dead to me. Dark of the Moon is better than Revenge of the Fallen, but not by nearly enough to make it worth a watch.