The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)
Oh God. Since accidentally saying that previous installment New Moon was "an enjoyable film", I've had to face some odd looks since. Thing is, I can't really get on Twilight's case. Maybe it's because I grew up watching things like Rocky, but I always side with the underdog. It's the cool thing to have a pop at Twilight and to be honest I can't see what the big deal is. I'm by no stretch of the imagination a "Twihard" or even a fan of the series, but criticising Twilight for its presentation of romance is like calling out a My Little Pony for not being a proper representation of a horse. And just like those horrible, malformed pieces of the 80s, going apeshit for all things Twilight is a stage girls will go through and will hopefully grow out of. Just let them have their fun now and then remind them of their Edward/Jacob fantasies in twenty years' time.
Eclipse picks up where New Moon left off. Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson, looking increasingly like a discarded pair of comedy eyebrows stapled to a piss-soaked hay bale) is still madly in love with Jane Everygirl character, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and has asked her to marry him. However, Bella still has feelings for werewolf Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner). Outside of the angsty love triangle, a war is brewing as Victoria (Bryce Dallas-Howard) is creating an army of vampires to kill Bella. This forces an uneasy alliance between the vampires and werewolves who will have to work together to keep Bella safe. The plot is pretty poor, with the feeling that this is merely a continuation of the story, rather than an evolution. Both R-Pattz and K-Stew still can't act, which will only become a bigger problem as the story presumably gets more epic. Eclipse is an odd entry to the series as it doesn't really go anywhere. The main three characters are still in the same situation they were at the start of the film and it's hard to not feel that Eclipse is merely filler until the concluding two parts of Breaking Dawn arrive to rake in the last of the obscene piles of teen money.
Oh God. Since accidentally saying that previous installment New Moon was "an enjoyable film", I've had to face some odd looks since. Thing is, I can't really get on Twilight's case. Maybe it's because I grew up watching things like Rocky, but I always side with the underdog. It's the cool thing to have a pop at Twilight and to be honest I can't see what the big deal is. I'm by no stretch of the imagination a "Twihard" or even a fan of the series, but criticising Twilight for its presentation of romance is like calling out a My Little Pony for not being a proper representation of a horse. And just like those horrible, malformed pieces of the 80s, going apeshit for all things Twilight is a stage girls will go through and will hopefully grow out of. Just let them have their fun now and then remind them of their Edward/Jacob fantasies in twenty years' time.
"I know the consequences of the choice you're making."
Eclipse picks up where New Moon left off. Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson, looking increasingly like a discarded pair of comedy eyebrows stapled to a piss-soaked hay bale) is still madly in love with Jane Everygirl character, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and has asked her to marry him. However, Bella still has feelings for werewolf Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner). Outside of the angsty love triangle, a war is brewing as Victoria (Bryce Dallas-Howard) is creating an army of vampires to kill Bella. This forces an uneasy alliance between the vampires and werewolves who will have to work together to keep Bella safe. The plot is pretty poor, with the feeling that this is merely a continuation of the story, rather than an evolution. Both R-Pattz and K-Stew still can't act, which will only become a bigger problem as the story presumably gets more epic. Eclipse is an odd entry to the series as it doesn't really go anywhere. The main three characters are still in the same situation they were at the start of the film and it's hard to not feel that Eclipse is merely filler until the concluding two parts of Breaking Dawn arrive to rake in the last of the obscene piles of teen money.
Eclipse feels like a return to bad habits, undoing some of the good that New Moon did. Once again, we're landlocked in Forks, Washington and so the film just stagnates whilst everyone agrees they love Bella and need to protect her. At least New Moon went to Italy. The writing hasn't got any better either, with embarrassingly shit lines prevalent throughout. The film aims to provide most of the entertainment in the form of Edward and Jacob squabbling over Bella, which happens again. And again. And again. I quickly got bored watching ol' Pecs and Lenses clash over who was more forgiving of Bella's inhumanly large chin. There is a bit of enjoyment to be had when Edward and Jacob are talking over a sleeping Bella and Cullen grumbles the soon-to-be oft quoted line: "If we weren't natural enemies, I might actually like you".
I liked the armies element to Eclipse. It reminded me a bit of the last two X-Men films what with the uneasy alliance and superpowered battles. Trouble is, the CGI wolves haven't really been improved and still have no weight to them. They just look odd. However, the actual action isn't bad and is surprisingly sever-happy. As I said in my Twilight review- yes, I realise this seems like me being terribly blokey and grunting about all the violence, but these scenes are the only fucking break from the incessant blathering scenes which all basically boil down to this:
I liked the armies element to Eclipse. It reminded me a bit of the last two X-Men films what with the uneasy alliance and superpowered battles. Trouble is, the CGI wolves haven't really been improved and still have no weight to them. They just look odd. However, the actual action isn't bad and is surprisingly sever-happy. As I said in my Twilight review- yes, I realise this seems like me being terribly blokey and grunting about all the violence, but these scenes are the only fucking break from the incessant blathering scenes which all basically boil down to this:
BELLA: Oh Edward, I love you so. Totally do me.
EDWARD: No, not until we're married. I totally want to though.
JACOB: I'll do you, Bella! I totally love you.
BELLA: I totally love you too, Jacob. But I also love Edward. Oh Edward, I love you so...
EDWARD: No, not until we're married. I totally want to though.
JACOB: I'll do you, Bella! I totally love you.
BELLA: I totally love you too, Jacob. But I also love Edward. Oh Edward, I love you so...
And it goes on like that ad infi-shite-um. The fact that the characters can't talk about the past without giving us a rubbish flashback sequence also really started to irk me. Maybe they could have saved some money by not showing us some sort of odd period drama and shifting the funds into the CGI wolves account, since the wolves are actually integral to the story.
You may pick up on the fact that I said that I'm not part of the "cool to hate Twilight" crowd, but have spent nearly all of this review slagging Eclipse off. Well, Eclipse has made it a lot harder to defend the Twilight series. After New Moon actually did something with the formula the first film laid down, Eclipse is more like a long trailer for the final two instalments, content with just existing until it all kicks off. So, predictably I didn't rate it much, but I get the feeling that even the most hardcore Twilight fan will walk away from this one feeling slightly disappointed.
"This wasn't a choice between you and Jacob. It was a choice between who I am and who I should be."
You may pick up on the fact that I said that I'm not part of the "cool to hate Twilight" crowd, but have spent nearly all of this review slagging Eclipse off. Well, Eclipse has made it a lot harder to defend the Twilight series. After New Moon actually did something with the formula the first film laid down, Eclipse is more like a long trailer for the final two instalments, content with just existing until it all kicks off. So, predictably I didn't rate it much, but I get the feeling that even the most hardcore Twilight fan will walk away from this one feeling slightly disappointed.
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