Green Lantern

Yup, back in familiar territory now with an unfamiliar superhero. Can't think of anything else to write here. Do me a favour and skip your eyes below to the large film title, would you? Lovely.

Green Lantern (2011)

I knew it. I fucking knew this would happen. Green Lantern gets universally panned by the World, his wife, their dog and its fleas and I actually end up enjoying it. So now I look like either a) a person who wouldn't know a good film if it kneed them in the throat or b) a mental case who might as well be screaming about how all Post Office employees are actually sinister half dragon/half cyborg amalgamations* for all the respect and attention I'm going to get for not tearing Green Lantern a new one. Still, I'm not afraid of my own opinion, so here we go.

"The ring turns thought into reality. The only limits are what you can imagine."

Cocky test pilot Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds) is given a power ring by a dying alien who crash-lands on Earth. The ring grants Jordan superpowers and he is recruited into the Green Lantern Corps, a group of intergalactic peacekeepers who fight evil wherever it rears its ugly head. When a threat known as Parallax threatens Earth and Oa, the Lantern homeworld, Jordan must come to terms with his new responsibilities and save the day. Also Peter Sarsgaard, Mark Strong and Blake "I'm naked on the Internet" Lively are in it. The plot is pretty hackneyed, although I believe calling Green Lantern a "superhero film" is a bit of a misnomer. It's more of hokey space-opera than anything else. Ryan Reynolds has been attracting a lot of negative attention for his Hal Jordan portrayal, but I think that's more down to the writing than anything else. Reynolds has proven himself a decent actor in films like Buried and as such I can only blame the shallow-as-fuck characterisation for all the hate. Peter Sarsgaard is actually decent as Hector Hammond and is a credible villain, despite looking like the Elephant Man. Mark Strong is Mark Strong with a funny head (and that is a good thing, although he only seems to exist to give speeches) and Blake Lively your standard female love interest. Nothing new here, move along.

It's a shame that in this cynical age comic book adaptations feel the need to be dark and gritty in order to be taken seriously. Not every superhero film has to appeal to adults or the ludicrous late teen market and this film doesn't try to. Green Lantern is at best, ridiculous. The very notion that a ring bestows the power to create anything out of green energy it will have disillusioned teens snarking all the way home to update their Facebook statuses, decrying the film for being too childish and not having a scene where a big-titted assassin casually rips out a man's spinal column, her already skimpy outfit made see-through by the ensuing torrent of blood.* I would have fucking loved Green Lantern as a kid. Plus, I think the fact that the powers are based on will and imagination are a better lesson to teach the young'uns than "get bitten by a radioactive spider" or "expose yourself to space-radiation" or even "get massively rich and then take it upon yourself to stop crime".

One of the big problems is that the film can't decide on a tone. At times is appears straight-faced and others self-deprecating and vaguely parodic. A good example of this weird mix is a helicopter crash sequence. In it, Jordan saves the day and the girl by constructing a Hot Wheels type racetrack to bring the 'copter to a safe stop. After a bit of nerdy friend interaction, he flies to said girl's balcony to check that she's okay and try out the whole superhero persona. She recognises Hal almost immediately, saying that she's seen him naked: did he really think a mask covering his cheekbones would disguise him? It's a nice moment, but pretty out of place with the rest of the film.

"I pledge allegiance to a lantern, given to me by a dying purple alien."

Despite all these glaring flaws, I enjoyed Green Lantern. I thought some of the effects were genuinely impressive, some of the constructs clever and the found the suit to be pretty badass. I think audiences are suffering from superhero fatigue and Green Lantern doesn't do itself any favours by being completely unremarkable. The concept was always going to be a tough sell, hence why this film feels especially committee shaped and why they cast wisecrackin' Ryan Reynolds. It's really not as bad as the critics and fanboys have been saying. It's below average, but fun enough for what it is. I've not read the comics, but I'm sure there are much better stories to tell and now we've got the origin story out of the way maybe the Green Lantern universe can be opened up and explored in more depth. The film is an enjoyable mess and I'm hoping for a sequel to capitalise on some of the unique ideas on display here. There are some damn fine superhero sequels out there, let's hope Green Lantern gets one.

* I am currently looking for funding for both of these film ideas. If interested, contact me via the comments box.

My Name Is Khan

Well, I guess I asked for this. In the first ever democratic vote to decide what I review inbetween big new releases, a title I didn't even offer as an option wins. Plus-get this- there are no superpowered beings in this film! Or even any (guilt-free, enjoyable) explosions! It's just a guy doing stuff. Rubbish.

My Name Is Khan (2010)

So, yes- a review of a film I would never have thought of had it not been for Facebook and a nagging sibling. I don't usually "get" Bollywood films. I've seen a few, and whilst always impressed with the cinematography, never found them to be properly engaging. This is a shortcoming on my part however, as saying I don't like Bollywood films is like judging a whole bag of Revels on the three coffee ones you tasted. So anyway- My Name Is Khan, which is not (unfortunately) a prequel to the best Star Trek film (other than the reboot). (Man, I love brackets!)

"Good people. Bad people. No other difference."

The story is this: Risvan Khan (played by Bollywood megastar Shah Rukh Khan or SRK to his fans) suffers from Asperger's Syndrome and is detained at San Francisco International Airport after his various tics and behaviours are deemed suspicious by airport security. In the interview room, he declares he intends to meet the President and clearly state to him: "My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist". We then flashback and learn all about Risvan and how exactly he came to be in this predicament. The story is pretty good, keeping my attention 'til the end of its considerable two and a half hour runtime. I thought Shah Rukh Khan was truly brilliant as Risvan, giving us a compelling, semi-realistic (certain aspects of the Asperger's are exaggerated for cinematic purposes) performance. The film wouldn't have been as half as good without him as his performance charms in the good parts and holds the film together in the weaker parts. One named wonder Kajol is also fantastic as love interest Mandira. She's just very, very good. Can't think of anything more to say.

Right, now here's where I get to work the ribs of MNIK, pick up on some problems I had with it and walk away feeling like a big man. The film has a tendency to lay things on too thick, creating a mawkish, unbelievable atmosphere that spoils the overall quality somewhat. It's a shame as often, these unsubtle moments are preceded by decent, affecting scenes. The one specific example I can think of where Risvan is in a church in Georgia, reminiscing about a recently deceased person (don't want to spoil it, being super vague). It's a touching moment as his unfocused eyes start to shimmer with tears as he's remembering the good times. This is then ruined by a kid standing up and singing "We Shall Overcome" before being joined by the whole congregation. This doesn't just come out of nowhere as the song does have some significance to Risvan, but fuck me, is it a mood wrecker. Later on in the film, Risvan becomes a mix between Forrest Gump, Rain Man and Jesus- a direction which didn't gel with me.

9/11 plays a big part in MNIK and it does feel somewhat justified. The film focuses on the treatment of Muslims post-WTC attacks and raises some important points about racial profiling. Trouble is, thanks to the film's leanings towards overdoing and overstating, some of these points are lost in the drama of it all. It's a hard point to explain, but there's a moment where a motel owner chases some punks after they smash his window in a misguided attempt at retribution for the attacks. He runs out, shotgun cocked and starts shouting after them about how there's a difference between him and the extremists and the like. This little rant goes on for a bit too long and it started to feel like the film was lecturing me about the evils of mistreatment. I understand why it's in here, it's just the film can be subtle and effective when it wants to be and this was just an immersion-breaking soapbox mounting.

As I said, the film is effective in parts. An example of this is the romance between Risvan and Mandira. It's funny, believable and done very well. I was charmed by all this and the little comedic touches here and there made me smile like a simpering chick-flick devotee. However, after the nicey-nicey aww! stuff and around the point of a properly sad event, I once again became aware of my testicles and focused my critical eye back on the film. MNIK is a film of two halves- the first, a decent, touching romance and the second, an issues-heavy quest. There's almost an audible crunch as the film changes gears, but it's forgivable. The music is also beautiful and even made me enjoy montages again, something which I assumed ruined forever by that Team America song. The film is also genuinely funny at times, with SRK showing a great sense of comedic timing.

"Yellow, yellow, dirty fellow."

My Name Is Khan is a decent film. It's too heavy with the dramatic dressing (in this analogy, the film's a salad, by the way), often trying to hard to tug at the ol' heartstrings (the analogy's over now) but there's a decent story, two powerful lead performances and some fantastic moments to keep you entertained. It tested my patience with the approach to some of its messages and its feckin' runtime, but all was good by the end.

Kung Fu Panda 2

There's nothing quite looking at the shite weather outside and deciding that fuck it, you'll go to the cinema, because your readers depend on you and your opinions to safely help them through the often frightening world of cinematic releases. Think of me as a tour guide, showing you the local colour, churches and the like and avoiding that alley where that family got stabbed up. Anyway- Kung Fu Panda 2.

Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)

Having unapologetically enjoyed the first one, I was ready for the sequel. Yes, I would have preferred if it was just a one-off and they focused their energy and money on something else, but in this day and age where almost everything has to be a bloody franchise, what can you do? You can either get on board, or get out of the way. I chose the former, but somewhat wish I'd chosen the latter. More after the inevitable plot summary.

"I hope this turns out better than your plan to cook rice in your stomach by eating it raw and then drinking boiling water..."

Following on from the first film, Po (Jack Black) is the Dragon Warrior, a fabled kung fu master who will bring balance to the martial art. Along with the Furious Five (Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu, Seth Rogen, David Cross and Jackie Chan) and under the supervision of Master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman), Po must stop a new threat to kung fu, Lord Shen (Gary Oldman) who intends to take over China with his mastery of fireworks and explosives. The plot is okay, although the first one was stronger. I felt that since Po is now a kung fu master, there wouldn't be much to do apart from have him fight. The film gets around this by delving into his backstory and, amongst many other things, explaining just why his Dad is a goose. Thing is, I liked the joke that Po's father was a goose. To me it was a throwaway gag. To explain it takes the charm away. Anyway, it all ties in to Lord Shen having played an integral part in Po's infancy. From Po's point of view, as the tagline for Jaws: The Revenge so aptly put it, this time, it's personal. Jack Black is fine, as are Dustin Hoffman and Gary Oldman (although his character and voice slightly reminded me of Stewie from Family Guy). Angelina Jolie gets a slightly bigger part, but the rest of the five are largely ignored. 

The problem I had with this film was the fact that there's a lot more of Po pratfalling- precisely my gripe with the first film. Okay, so it would have been boring if he just kicked ass all the time being just another warrior, I get that. He's always fucking falling over though. It garnered a few giggles from the children I kidnapped and forced to watch films with me in my creepy film den in the audience at the very public cinema I saw it at, but even they stopped laughing after a while. If I had written it (and fuck knows why I wasn't chosen) I would have made Po still amazing at kung fu, but have him be a bit of an over-confident douche about it. You could still have him learn his origins and leave the second half of the film virtually unchanged. Po wasn't the loveable idiot from the first, he was just an idiot. This may sound like too much analysis for a computer animated, marketed up the poo-pipe sequel, but there's a good story in here somewhere and I kept being reminded I was watching a kids' film everytime Po acted like a tit. My point is this: if all this shite wasn't even entertaining the kids, then what the hell was it for?

But hey, that's only me being annoyed that not only has my major whinge about the first not been addressed, but actually made worse. The rest of the film is totally fine. The animation is truly beautiful and some of the flashback sequences amazingly stylised. The writing is sharp and the occasionally funny line or quip would have me smiling away in the dark. As I saw this in 2D, I noticed that all the action sequences were shot in a very specific way, presumably to make them more impressive to the suckers wearing the stupid specs. Everything was shot fairly close up, assumedly to make the 3D more "immersive", but I couldn't help but feel this was hampering the otherwise fun and imaginative chases and fights. I also liked the fact that Po and Tigress seem to be getting a bit closer and it will be interesting to find out if they go where I think they're going to go with this in Kung Fu Panda 3, although I'm not entirely sure I want to see what happens when a panda fucks a tiger and the abomination created out of this unholy union.

The end sequence is brilliant too, fusing some impressive computer wizardry (the boats and hundreds of animals on them lit by lanterns are a sight to behold), with some laughs and big fights. The film really pulls it out of the bag for the final 20 mins and it was around this time I felt that what I was seeing on screen finally lived up to the original film. It's worth mentioning before I get to one of my World famous concluding paragraphs that Guillermo Del Toro was a "creative consultant" on this film, which may explain some of the darker elements in this film- especially the ones concerning Po's backstory.

"How many times do I have to kill the same stinking panda?"

Kung Fu Panda 2 is pretty good. It's not as charming as the first and doesn't deal with anything "deep" like body issues or anything like the first (it opts instead for a vague "inner peace" mantra) but it's entertaining and funny at times. It's fun, but the sequel-bait ending left me with a bit of a nasty taste in my mouth. The shine's already starting to dull with this installment- is there going to be any left for the threequel? Guess we'll find out soon enough.

X-Men: First Class

So, without any waffling nonsense, here's my review of the new X-Men flick. Snikt! Bamf! Oh wait- they're not in this one. Er...whatever noise Professor X makes. Squeak, probably, if his wheelchair hasn't been cared for properly. That's right, not even a paragraph in and I'm being irreverent about cripples. It can only get better from here.

X-Men: First Class (2011)

Since the Wolverine film was badly recieved by everyone bar a crazy few (ahem), Fox decided to nix the planned X-Men: Origins series and go with a prequel set in the swingin' '60s. Fox are to be commended here as they've actually listened to the whinier fans and not only involved Bryan Singer (director of the widely acclaimed first two films) but also ignored the shit out of the continuity of The Last Stand and Wolverine.

"Who the hell are you?"
"Let's just say I'm Frankenstein's monster and I'm looking for my creator."

The basic story of First Class is thus. 1962. We see a young Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and Erik Lensherr (Michael Fassbender) before they became nemeses, team up with other mutants and a secret government organisation to stop mutant supremacist and mad bastard Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon) and his team of superfreaks from plunging the World into nuclear war. The story's solid, giving us a Watchmen-esque parallel history of the 1960's and, more specifically, the Cuban Missile Crisis. As I mentioned, continuity between this film and X-Mens 1& 2 seems of paramount importance with the opening being the same powerful, rain-soaked Holocaust flashback from the first film. The acting's damn good and it really was a masterstroke casting McAvoy and Fassbender. I genuinely couldn't think of any better to fill the shoes of Stewart and McKellen. Fassbender is easily the best thing in this, although I was really impressed with Jennifer Lawrence as a younger Mystique.

For me, the film was always going to be made or broken on exploring Xavier and Magneto's relationship from best friends to mortal enemies. I'm happy to say this is done well in First Class. Xavier is fresh from education with a vision of a mutant utopia and everyone holding hands and singing songs. Magneto is a man of action. He's seen the dirty underbelly of society and has very little time for naive ideology. The seeds for their rivalry are there, but they also make convincing comrades, with one scene involving a huge radar dish (it'll make sense when you see it) being the pinnacle of this.

Whilst the new mutants are a mixed bag ranging from "interesting" to "dire", it's nice to see Fox have been reading my blog and took my suggestion made in my Last Stand review and made Beast a (partly) CGI creation. In any case, the make-up is a hell of a lot better than whatever poor Kelsey Grammer was lumbered with. Shouty Lad, Wingarella and Totally Not Going To Die Black Guy were probably the least involving, but I quite liked Havok (Cyclops' older brother). It's nice to see a true to the comics Emma Frost as well. Also look out for several cameos, that's all I'm saying. I was disappointed when they announced that they weren't going to do a second Origins film focusing on Magneto and instead opted to reboot the franchise. However, it seems like the Magneto film may have already been half-written and was incorporated into this one. This works really well in the earlier parts of the film as we'll have some talky Xavier stuff and then cut to Magneto, in full-on Bond mode, kicking arse and not even caring about the names. I love this incarnation of the character and this love was solidified in a bar scene involving a knife. It was so awesome that the following scene was blurry as I had welled up with joyful tears. Whilst I'm talking about action and stuff, the big sequences are genuinely impressive and surprisingly graphic for a 12A. The big ending actually manages to be epic and involving in a way that so few superhero films manage. It's a really satisfying conclusion.

There are certain things that dragged the film down for me though. I thought the young mutants "codenames" scene was fucking cringeworthy. I realise that at some point we as an audience needed to find out their X-names, but Christ. Let it never be said that I don't hand out constructive criticism though, so here's my idea. Y'know that scene in Reservoir Dogs where Laurence Tierney is gruffly handing out their heist names? Like that. Since their names are pretty unimaginative, it would make sense for a CIA agent to just dish them out and save me rolling my eyes. Also, in the aforementioned amazing end sequence, for some reason, Magneto turns Oirish. Don't believe me? Check this clip out. It's a great performance from ol' Fass, but I found it to be quite distracting. Also, at times the film seems too focused on tying in to the Singer films or foreshadowing future events (Xavier makes a crack about going bald, for instance) and since we now know where Magneto got that iconic helmet from (invisotexted) did he really have to spray it a garish red and purple and have a matching cape? I really wouldn't have minded if they'd tweaked the costume design to be more in-keeping with Fassneto.

"You want society to accept you, but you can't even accept yourself."

Still, X-Men: First Class is a real return to form for the series. I enjoyed the hell out of it. The performances are great, the dialogue is really well-written (apart from a few hiccups) and the action sequences are truly special. If Captain America keeps up this standard, 2011 will be owned by Marvel, despite what certain viridian lamps have to say.

Sucker Punch

Well, ho-lee shit. Been promising to review Sucker Punch for a while and now I finally get to talk about it in frank and hopefully upsetting terms.

Sucker Punch (2011)

The raison d'être of this very blog has always been about defending blockbusters from the snooty and the pretentious. Respected film critics normally tear "dumb but fun" titles limb from metaphorical limb in favour of recommending a foreign film showing in about 2 cinemas nationwide. Most people live in the mainstream and as such, I set up this blog to separate the blockbustin' wheat from the chaff. I felt that there weren't enough eloquent voices proclaiming that Rib Kicker 7: The Fistening may actually be more enjoyable than Holocaust Winter's Tears. On this blog, I have repeatedly mentioned that I love action films and have enjoyed the work of much maligned directors like Michael Bay and indeed, Sucker Punch's own Zack Snyder. As much as I was prepared to, I can't defend Sucker Punch. It's aggressively shit.

"For those who fight for it, life has a flavour the sheltered will never know."

The film starts with Babydoll (Emily Browning) being taken to a mental asylum after shooting at her bastardly stepfather and accidentally hitting and killing her younger sister instead. Whilst there, she and her fellow inmates hatch an escape plan, the elements of which are shown to us via Babydoll's imagination, taking us to places like a snowy feudal Japan with minigun-toting stone samurai and the muddy trenches of World War II, populated by (and I'm not making this up) clockwork, steam-powered zombie Nazis. The plot plays out like Inception for morons. Whilst this is a lazy comparison, the multitude of layers make it hard to compare to anything else. Despite the many, many problems with this film, the casting isn't one of them. The girls aren't given too much to work with, but do admirably with what they're given. I liked Emily Browning and was pleased to see Vanessa Hudgens break free of her High School Musical shackles. Zack Snyder is clearly the problem here, unused to the boundary-free environment of making an original film as opposed to his usual modus operandi of adapting already successful stories.

So, what's my beef with all this? Well, Sucker Punch makes no fucking sense. I don't care if I seem stupid by saying that and get literally one e-mail telling me I've missed the point entirely and should seriously consider suicide because I'm a thick, thick, thicky faggot. We are meant to accept that Babydoll goes into a fantasy world to escape the horror of her situation. Right, with you so far, SP. So, to combat the fact she's in a mental asylum she imagines that she and her inmates are actually in a burlesque club, performing for sweaty wankers. Er...ok. Then, whilst dancing in said club, she imagines that the gang are actually kick-ass warriors fighting things like Nazis, dragons and conservative dress-sense, all to achieve something like a key or a map. Thing is, all these fantasies are unpleasant. Surely there should be some rainbows or unicorns or some shit? To escape a shitty situation by imagining another shitty situation doesn't make any sense at all. It's like a man finding the charred remains of his beloved pet dog and to escape the despair of it all imagines a scenario where he's gang-raped in prison by three well-hung, not to mention angry, oiled men. 

The film is also over-sexualised in a way I only thought possible in Japanese video games about volleyball. Babydoll herself has ickle blonde pigtails and a skirt so short you could see what she'd had for dinner if she bent over. It's also explicitly mentioned that she's 20, presumedly to appease the Nuts magazine demographic already abusing themselves over her, happy to not add an element of paedophilia to their public masturbation rapsheet. I suppose the argument could be that the pin-up look of the girls is some kind of female empowerment, playing with the very concept of the male gaze, but it's doubtful. The film doesn't show enough intelligence elsewhere to make this a viable interpretation. Having said all that, it is nice to see a film with a 90% female cast, with men only popping up occasionally to be act like knobheads.

Still, Sucker Punch is, at its heart, an action film and as such mere contrivances like plot and cleavage visibility shouldn't get in the way of explosions and people getting their shit wrecked. Unfortunately, the film goes for the ridiculous Resident Evil style action sequences, where everything seems to be geared to impressing the thick twats that think Afterlife and films of its ilk are the "best filmz evarrr". Zack Snyder still can't keep his fucking finger off the slo-mo button. The action bits feel like they've been ripped off from better films and then smeared with pus. The imagined quest for a lighter in particular feels like Lord of the Rings with added aeroplanes and assorted toss. The aforementioned clockwork Nazis bit isn't nearly as entertaining as it sounds either. As with the Resi Evil films, this type of action bored me to tears. This was not helped by the fact that for some reason, these sequences are often scored with mediocre cast-recorded covers of popular songs, the most aurally offensive being the opening Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) and the crappy version of Tomorrow Never Knows.

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."
 

If I was 13 again and had taken several bricks to the head, I may have enjoyed Sucker Punch. It's glossy as hell and will impress a fraction of the populace with its visuals alone. Many people have described it as several music videos stitched together and I'm with them on that. It's all just too juvenile with annoying misconceptions of being a lot smarter than it is. The central conceit is flawed and the action just made me wish I was watching something else. It's actively dire.